EDIT II: Happy now Bob?
Take this for what you will, about your siggy, the only reason I watch Idol is for Simon...
Note: I need some major help on this poem...I don't like stanza six but don't know what I should cut out, and well ya, it's still in drafting mode.
CL
heliographs
charade shafts,
passing ignorance of
what the dark left.
silver tongued limpet lids
of a dying culture
rooted in sand.
don’t leave me here
among the sun,
and the sand,
and all the treasure
howard could not carry.
elpis would not weep
on my grave with his lilies,
not like you,
not like you.
death’s sombre beginnings
but always element,
or so Will will argue
in lines poised on the tip
of his quill from
othello-smothering-pillows
to claudius-corrupt-cups.
familiarity breeds contempt
and deceit, only in time
what with such whisperings
from between the cracks.
it was not for us, no?
to go this way, this road
full of dead fish and fire wheels.
just don’t leave me here,
jealously may have infected
our pricked fingers
but green is both
the green-eyed monster
and that of pride;
and you are not in want
to believe in monsters as
you’ve felled all imposters,
and found only
smoke-screen.
the shafts of light
hit the silver tin
drawing the eye of horus
in the sky above.
eyes are filled with so many
emotions, one has trouble
putting a name to them.
they say love conquers all
even in death.
but they never met us,
or they’d understand
the depth of true feeling
is never just something
it encompasses all.
everything is
just that more vivid
and more thrill excitement
than just simple discourse:
one does not just love,
‘just love’ is ignorant
of worldly lip-smackings
and character depth.
fire and light
go hand in hand
except in these tunnels
where Ra is god
of the eyes ability
for detection;
but that does not mean
darkness is not just as
illuminating.
my pretty Iago,
hate is such a plain word
pick something else.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Bob, have you ever known me to put punctuation in a first draft... hehheh... I need to cure myself of that... off to punctuate the thang... thanks hon.
Loving this piece: you've lifted your lines and references excellently. However...
PUNC!
TU!
A!
TION!
Bizatchingness; get them comma and stuffs in girl.